“When people don’t know what they own, they tend to blame others when something goes wrong or expectations aren’t met. Think about taking a teenager’s car keys when the kid misses curfew. The first words out of my teenager’s mouth would have been, “Dad, that’s not fair.” If he didn’t know what he was accountable for, he would blame his parents when things went sideways.

When he missed his curfew, I took the keys. I later came into the kitchen to find him negotiating and debating with his mother. I told him that the standard is the standard; he lost his car keys because of a choice he made. He understood what he owned. As his parent, my job was to hold him to the standard. I know that things happen. Cars break down; friends need rides home. In that case, however, he should have called me or his mother first. Standards are not monuments, but they are the core of consistency. All my children had the same standard when they received a car. I made it very clear what they owned and what their mother and I owned. (We owned the payment, insurance and maintenance.)”

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